My Life is More Interesting Than Yours

And I'm willing to fight about it

High Blood Pressure May 7, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — lizzietish81 @ 3:26 pm

I’ve been fat my whole life.  When I was younger, I ate bad food, barely got any exercise and was depressed.  Later I became very angry and prone to stress and even had a few minor breakdowns.  I ate more to handle my stress, which led to more weight gain and well, I don’t gotta spell it out.

And yet in that entire time, I never had blood pressure issues, aside from my birth control.

Until now.

Now I won’t claim I’m in better shape than I was when I was 20, but I eat better and get regular exercise in the daily business of getting around the city.  It may not be enough though, and frankly I’ve been beating the odds for a long time.  I mean I’m overweight, have a heart murmur (minor), have a family history of heart attacks on both sides and have never been in shape.

Is this age?  Is my body getting to that point where it’s wondering why I haven’t keeled over from too much child birth?   35 isn’t considered old but when you reach sexual maturity at 10 you have to wonder if it’s just rigged to give up earlier.

Of course the prospect is scary.  I can tell myself that, unlike my mother, I haven’t had three difficult births and am wallowing in my own depression, but that’s no reason to be complacent.  Kick boxing hasn’t worked out, I may try to join the gym down the street so I can use the bicycles which would help also with my restless legs.

The problem is overcoming the massive inertia that is my laziness.

 

That’s all I better hear about it March 31, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — lizzietish81 @ 2:29 pm
Rant: Right. I tried to hold avoid this. I’ve been holding my tongue for weeks. But some of you are apparently bound and determined to make me snap.
I am voting for HIllary, and I am proud of it.
I am voting for her because I think she is better than Sanders when it comes to the actual stuff an actual President does, as opposed to all this stuff some people seem to think he can do.
I am voting for her because I am able to look past the rhetoric of the past 25 years that people simply regurgitate without looking into. Not just about her, I’ve looked at Sanders’ record and see that he isn’t the fucking messiah who is somehow not a Politician despite being one for over 30 years. I understand that the President isn’t a king and that the way government works in this country is far more complicated than just putting a figure head up and then just going to sleep. I am voting for Hillary because I don’t believe this country is “broken”. People say “the system” is broken because they didn’t get what they wanted. If it is broken it is because we the voters allowed that to happen with our apathy, because many people don’t understand that WE ARE THE GOVERNMENT and the government is us, the people, by the people and that voting for a guy who says the right things isn’t going to “fix” it for us. I will not vote for Bernie because in the past few weeks he has lost my respect. He feeds this notion that the system is broken, the paranoid delusion that it doesn’t matter how we vote because “they” are in control. He hypocritically bashed Hillary for appearing with a celebrity while Susan Sarandon introduces him at rallies. He has fed the frankly ludicrous notion that the DNC, which is being run by the most incompetent leader ever, somehow was responsible for the voter fuck up in Arizona, when we’ve KNOWN that the republicans have been stripping away voting rights since the SJC overturned the Voting Rights Act, because apparently Arizona is the most important state in the union. Because he talks big about how Flint was being ignored because it’s a minority town, when at the same time he took advantage of that when he had nuclear waste sent to Texas. Because I know that a “revolution” is a 360 degree turn back to the beginning.
I will not vote for him because he encourages ignorance when it comes to the democratic process. When he says the Super Delegates should “reflect the will of the people” he means they should ignore it and throw their support behind him even though the people have been voting for Hillary.
And now the real crux of this rant. People who threaten to take their vote and go home if they don’t get the candidate they want are now complaining that “Hillary supporters” are being mean to them by calling them fucking children. You ARE fucking children. Because we both know you won’t do it, you’re just throwing a tantrum but come November you will cast that ballot and vote for Hillary and then spend the next 8 years bitching about how things would have been better if we had nominated Sanders even when Hillary fails to do half the things y’all are shitting your pants over.
Don’t want to be treated like children? Don’t fucking act like whiny titty babies when you don’t get your way.
 
 

The language problem March 15, 2013

Filed under: Uncategorized — lizzietish81 @ 9:47 pm
Tags: ,

One of the major problems I have with my fellow country men is the stubborn refusal to learn other languages. From signs declaring that English be required to be even noticed to outrage at having to press a 1 for English, there is a vehement resistance to learning another language.

Personally, I speak English and high school French. I have tried occasionally to learn Spanish and Mandarin via apps and online tutors, but have not had anything stick. It’s therefore rather frustrating to hear my more worldly friends bounce effortlessly between English, German, Japanese, Russian and Latin. Many of them are able to do this because they grew up with multiple languages and are able to achieve a level of fluency I can only dream about.

Indeed one of the secrets to language is to be able to think in that language instead of mentally translating back and forth. In other countries this kind of verbal flexibility is encouraged. A coworker from India told me that she was expected to learn her national language, her local dialect and English. Such a thing is unthinkable in America. Learning a language other than English is never required, at best it is optional.

This arrogant refusal to require other languages is hurting us. In an increasingly connected world, we expect others to adapt to us, while we make to real effort to adapt ourselves. That may have flown in the old days, but English speakers aren’t ruling the world anymore, and our refusal to expand our minds is going to hurt in the long run.

 

Anne Romney once had a miscarriage…let’s defund Planned Parenthood! August 28, 2012

Filed under: Politics — lizzietish81 @ 7:51 pm

Anne Romney, the wife of Presumptive Candidate and former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney, has been on my radar lately.  As the GOP tries desperately to convince the populace that Mittens isn’t a robot forged from the withered heart of Ayn Rand and Joseph Smith’s lungs, she’s been in the spot light.  This is interesting because when Romney was governor, I didn’t even know the woman existed.  However now that Mitt is trying to get women to vote for him, despite his lack of anything appealing to women as a voting block, she’s been out more and more to move our uteri into a Mittens Voting position.
The latest in this humanizing attempt is the revelation that she had a miscarriage twenty years ago.

This is oddly timed for her speech at the convention tonight, where I’m sure she’ll be telling us ladies more fuzzy stories about how concerned Mitt is for our vaginas, and someone who is cynical, like me, might think that this is a desperate move to pander to females to feel some kind of emotional connection with Anne because girls gotta stick together amirite?  What’s ironic, or sickening, about this is that Mitt and Ryan have come out very strongly against Planned Parenthood, an organization that provides pre natal care for millions of poor women across the country, care which could prevent miscarriage or at least provide the necessary care when one  happens.  Mittens even said that “we’re going to get rid of that.”  Even more ironic, as the usually calm and collected voices over at the yahoo comments section pointed out, Ryan’s personhood bill could view her miscarriage as murder, since the fetus is a person, like a corporation and unlike a woman who is merely a receptacle for semen.

So while Anne is reaching for the tissue as she says about how tragic it was that her youngest of six children didn’t get to have any younger siblings, women across the country are facing more and more restrictions to basic health care, something which she has never had to worry about.  A Romney presidency would only insure this gets worse, but don’t worry, Anne Romney feels your pain girls.

After all, she had a miscarriage one time.

 

Life gets too interesting August 26, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — lizzietish81 @ 4:47 pm

and I can’t keep up the blog.  If I thought more people were reading I would post more.

That’s a hint.

Anyways, I went to Sirius Rising last month, camped with my sister, her husband and their daughter, along with many friends.  The weather was good, the company was good and the mosquitoes were manageable once I started setting fires.  Before that there was a ton of road work going on on my street, at night, complete with loud drilling.  So for once the inability of the drummers to hold onto a beat was not a problem.
I went camping again a couple of weekends ago to see the Perseid, and I got horribly lost on Mount Peekamoose, arriving after midnight when it had clouded over.  I stayed up with my friends till about dawn and didn’t see anything, but at least I had fun.

And around all this has been my tooth saga.  I broke one of my front teeth when I was 13, got a temporary fix soon after and was told to get it permentantly fixed when I was 18.  For the last ten years my sister has been nagging at me to get this finished and hopefully as of Thursday it will be.  In the meantime I’ve had multiple visits to the dentist, adventures with drill and a temporary cap that pops off occasionally revealing the ugly black deathness underneath.  Its been a riot y’all.

The election continues to be the most entertaining since….well the last one.  Mittens has chosen his VP, who hates women more than he does, has 0% of the black vote, made a crack about not ever being carded cause he’s a rich white guy, and to top it off, the GOP has invited the legendary racist sheriff from Arizona to speak at their convention.  Pure hilarity.

 

Dying is easy, comedy is hard June 8, 2012

Filed under: What is your childhood Trauma? — lizzietish81 @ 9:02 pm
Tags: , ,

While sitting on the train this afternoon, I had a suicidal thought.  This wasn’t a plan, or a declaration, just a passing thought about slitting my wrists or something (which ew, if I was ever going to end it all it would be with an overdose of pills).  These thoughts have come and gone since I was in high school, and are symptomatic of my long history of depression.  For a long time I assumed this was just morbid thinking, but a therapist pointed out that these were in fact hall marks of deep depression and a warning sign for suicidal behavior.   When I was younger, before I started getting therapy, I believed that suicide was selfish and weak behavior.  People tried to explain to me from the point of view of someone suffering from severe depression that it wasn’t simply a way out for them, but for their loved ones.

I still call bullshit on that last one.  It is selfish to take one’s life, but that’s part of the problem with depression, something that I was ignoring.  Depression is increasingly cutting yourself off from the world, from your loved ones, because you’ve convinced yourself that they don’t love or need you, because you believe yourself to be unwanted, unloved and insignificant in the grand scheme of things, until all you have left is yourself, someone you can’t stand to be with.  The times when I have had suicidal thoughts weren’t in the throws of intense emotions, but out of fatigue, because I could feel myself growing tired of being alive, of putting up with the constant bullshit.  When asked what kept me from committing suicide I had two answers, a serious one and a pithy one.

The serious one was that I couldn’t do that to my sister.  Not that I am the only person she has, she has a lot of people, but more that she devoted so much time and effort into making me feel loved, and to feel that life was worth it that it would be unfair to her to then say fuck it and off myself.  She put a lot of emotional energy into helping me survive my mother’s down ward spiral I feel I should continue on to prove it was worth it, because it is.

The pithy answer has to do with the title of this post, which is a line from Mystery Science Theater Hour.  Specifically my answer was that I couldn’t commit suicide because I believed in reincarnation, and I really don’t want to start all from scratch again.  Going through puberty was hellacious enough, I’d rather enjoy my non hormonal years before having to do that all over again.  My morbid sense of humor has carried me through some pretty gross times in my life, and there’s so much more tragedy to laugh at.  Its not enough to live, but to enjoy living I have had to find the humor in just about everything that happens.  Its hard sometimes to find the joke, especially in a world obsessed with being appropriate, but anything can be turned into a funny story if you know how to look at it.  To do it, you have to be engaged in the world, you have to be paying attention, you have to see and hear as much as possible.

Don’t get me wrong, I had to work through a lot of issues, and taking meds was a big step, the biggest was admitting that I needed help.  Now I can take life less seriously, and enjoy it.

So when I have suicidal thoughts, I think no, that’d be too easy, there’s so much more comedy left.

 

Marriage by example June 5, 2012

Filed under: What is your childhood Trauma? — lizzietish81 @ 11:31 pm

Earlier today I had a brief conversation with a coworker about the example of marriage set down by parents. Mine were an example of why not to get married, but my grandparents took it to an epic level.

I’m talking primarily of my mom’s side since by the time I was a kid my dad’s mother was dead and his father had begun a long descent into alcoholism induced brain damage. My mom’s parents were an example of middle class respectability. He was a deeply authoritarian figure, who would now a days be in constant trouble with social services. Quiet and taciturn, he took any disruption of his world to be a grave of fence. As children we feared him, and he had had time to mellow out by then. He was never “grandpa”, he was “John”, even though his name was Gerald.

He was quick to anger and often violent, and more, fiercely possessive. Once, the minister came to the house to see my grandmother, and John punched him in the face.

My grandmother was, and still, not a wilting flower. However her nature to be passive aggressive took their marriage to epic levels of non communication. One of her classic moves was to use starch on his underwear, because he was allergic to it. Once she kicked a case of beer he had left sitting by the basement door down the stairs. She didn’t know it was bottles though and for the next few months the house smelled of beer.

They both excelled at quietly living in grim silence and dark to save money. The kerosene heater blew up one winter because they were sure they could get another winter out of it. The soot remained on the once white walls for years until my dad finally painted over it.

When I was a kid, they didn’t live together, fueling my belief that they must have been divorced. She lived with her aged mother in Massachusetts while he lived in a small house that was completely self sufficient and as remote as he could get away with in Maine. In the few times I would see them together, the silence was intense.

Eventually I learned that they were in fact married still, and that the fact that he wasn’t living in nova scotia, his original home, was indicative of his desire to be with her, that he was willing to compromise…or something.

After my mom died, during a family gathering, my aunt declared that it was their fiftieth anniversary. At first there was the surprising idea that they were in fact married, and so there must have been a wedding. Then I did some math, and an even bigger shock hit me. Either my mom was really early, or they had gotten busy ahead of time.

Now, everyone has that moment when they realize that their parents, and by extension their grandparents, must have had sex. As far as my parents were concerned I had faced this realization early not by walking in on them, but because my mom was angrily demanding to know why they weren’t having sex anymore. In their own way, they were passionate, I mean they fought all the time, and I had seen them kiss. But my grandparents had displayed an utter absence of affection, or even amiability towards each other.

And yet, they had three daughters and were apparently having sex before marriage. There was some spirit of compromise in that they continued to occupy the same country. One might argue that the fact they stayed together for so long is a testament to their mutual affection. I always assumed they each refused to give the other one the satisfaction of a divorce.

But maybe that was the strength of their relationship, built on the good and solid ground of mutual animosity.

 

The Catholic Church and the Stories We’re Not Being Told June 2, 2012

Filed under: Politics — lizzietish81 @ 3:25 pm
Tags: , , ,

Its been almost 15 years ago since the Catholic Church has gotten this much attention, and then, like now, its mostly negative as they once again try to make themselves above the law.  I’ve never had a good relationship with the church, having grown up protestant in a mostly Catholic town, Saugus MA.  I learned early that Catholics are taught that anyone who doesn’t embrace the Church is doomed to go to Hell.  As a Methodist, and of a particularly liberal church, this made no sense to me.  My father had been raised Catholic and became a Methodist when he married my mother, while his mother remained a devoted Catholic.  However, when she died, she was denied many funeral rights because she had not paid the tithe.

I do remember the night when I was sitting in my living room watching the news with my parents, when the name Father Geoghan was mentioned, and this caught my mother’s interst.  “Well, well well,” she said, “they finally arrested him.”

She grew up in Saugus, and its biggest Church, Blessed Sacrament, had been one of the many churches where Geoghan had served.  Even then, it was known that he was “funny” and that children should not be left with him.  This of course started an avalanche of accusations against not only individual priests but the Church as an institution for protecting known criminals and putting more victims at risk.  After a few years this quieted down and, aside from a blip when a new pope was elected, the Church has kept a fairly low profile.

Now of course, its once again trying to be a political entity in its fight against a birth control mandate, something that is popular even among most Catholics, but is being pushed by Republicans to promote an idea that President Obama is against religious freedom.  Most sane, rational people find this ridiculous and have left us wondering what the Church is thinking.  One might call it arrogance, which is certainly been a part of the Church’s dealing with civil authorities before.  But perhaps there is more to this than meets the public eye, because although this story dominated the news cycle for a couple of weeks, there’s other things going on that we’re not hearing about from any of the main news sources.

Although the media storm died down years ago, there are still cases appearing in the courts not only prosecuting individual priests for sexual abuse, but also Church Authorities for failure to report abuse to the authorities.  But many of these abuses occurred many years ago, and so states are trying to extend or even eliminate the statute of limitations, something which the Church has been fighting.  Viciously.  They argue that it will unleash a fresh wave of lawsuits that are decades old.  Of course I have little sympathy for this argument since it proves where the Church’s priorities are, and its not with its flock.  If they had done the right thing in the beginning, protected its children, then it wouldn’t be in this position now.  Instead it chose to preserve the image of the Church as an infallible institution and even today, still pressures victims group.  Furthermore, Cardinal Timothy Dolan, Archbishop of New York and one of the leaders in a lawsuit against the Obama Administration over the Birth Control has now been revealed to have been giving payments to alleged pedophile priests while he was head of the Milwaukee Arch Diocese

But its not just sex abuse scandals that are plaguing the Church, because it seems there is dissension in the ranks.  Specifically American Nuns for being “not Catholic Enough” because they don’t spend enough time condemning gays and lesbians and women who have abortions or use birth control.  They spend far too much time caring for the poor apparently.  and have vowed to not stop because of a bunch of old men in Rome.  What’s most interesting about this story is a familiar name that has come up in the Church’s fight against the Little Sisters of Mercy.  Cardinal Law, former Arch Bishop of Boston, who featured prominently in the early days of the sex abuse scandal has apparently been a strong voice behind the fight against the Nuns.   Many believed he had been shunted to some out of the way place where he could stay out of the eyes of the media after essentially being at the center of the biggest ball drop the Church has experienced in centuries, but it seems he’s still in a position of authority.

And if you think the Church’s problems are centered only in the United States, think again, because it seems things are not going well in the very heart of the Holy See.  The Vatileaks scandal that arose earlier in May is one of many stories that have been coming out of Italy for the last few months in which it seems that the Pope has engaged in cronyism, but is in the process being surrounded and cut off by other powerful forces within the Church.  Lest you think that this is the beginning of reform in the church, don’t, the groups are essentially one group of old men against another group of old men.

All of these and more stories have been in the background, mostly in local or foreign news agencies, and not at the forefront of the American Media machine.  Why?  If the Media really was a tool of the left wing political machine, wouldn’t they be pushing these stories 24/7 since they reveal the church to be a corrupt, perhaps even criminal organization that is trying to insert itself into American politics?  Its not like the American Public has a particularly high opinion of the Church anyways and reminding the public of why could easily push the populace away from the bizarre alliance between the Republican Party (a party of mostly conservative protestants who don’t particularly like Catholics most of the time) and the Church in its attempts to make the President look like an anti religious bigot.

Its either not sensational enough, or the media is holding off to not make the Church look too bad as it fights against the evil tyranny of health care reform and being dragged into the modern world.  Obviously their attempts to make themselves victims hasn’t paid off since the birth control scandal has gone into the background and the Republicans seem to have dropped it for now, but how much longer can the Church be allowed to carry on like this?  At what point will the rank and file Catholics, many of whom find themselves at odds with these ultra conservative policies, declare they’ve had enough and leave for more liberal parishes?  Already the Church’s political pull has waned, in another ten years will they be completely irrelevant?  The Church has survived a millennial of wars, political upheavals, and schisms, could it be that the ones to destroy it as an institution will be itself?

 

I had a nightmare about Hamburger Helper May 29, 2012

Filed under: What is your childhood Trauma? — lizzietish81 @ 8:56 pm
Tags: , ,

Most people either don’t appreciate the food they eat or realize that there is food out there that tastes like something.  Micheal Polen talks about the addictive qualities of fat, sugar and salt that is in most processed foods, and the epitome of horrible foods that don’t taste like anything but is highly addictive is Hamburger Helper.   I mean its just dried pasta, powder and half a pound of hamburg (pink slime optional) mixed together in a greasy mess that is both filling and lacking in any kind of nutrition.

My mother wouldn’t eat anything that tasted or even looked like anything.  Except liver for some reason, but that’s another nightmare.  Nope, every night it was half a pound of ground beef plus whatever flavor of Helper we had.  Sometimes I would get to cook spaghetti which was also ground beef, noodles and some overly processed sauce.  Vegetables were the occasional can of string beans or lima beans, which if I never have to touch again will help me appreciate life.  The process took about half an hour.  I would scoop out the half pound of ground beef into the frying pan, break it up with the spatula and cook until there was no pink left.  Then I would drain out the grease into an old coffee tin, where it would congeal until we threw it out.  Course there was also grease splattered everywhere in the kitchen from the frying process.  Then you pour in the pasta, powder and x amount of water, simmer, stir, and when the pasta has cooked and the sauce has congealed serve it up.  Flavors ranged from cheesy to slightly less cheesy.

Since becoming an adult and being allowed to choose my own food I have discovered the wide range of flavors out there, and have been glad to never touch the stuff again.

So of course having a dream where I am being forced to cook it again is a horrible nightmare.  I can’t remember anything else about it, but really, isn’t that enough?

 

OCD and the art of bathroom selection May 27, 2012

Filed under: Uncategorized — lizzietish81 @ 2:25 pm
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As many of you may know, or not know, I have a moderate case of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, or OCD, or holy crap I touched something now I need to burn my hand in order to kill any germs that may be on there.

Thankfully this is moderate and I am on medication for it, otherwise I would be unable to leave my apartment to face the very large and very dirty city I find myself in.  This condition presents itself in many fascinating forms, one being on the amount of time I think about where I am going to go to the bathroom when I’m out.

Having my own bathroom is one of the many, many reasons why I will never have a room mate.   I know what’s been done in there and that the only germs around are mine.

Still, using public facilities is inevitable if you don’t want to live life as a hermit, which has led me to a system to minimize the holy fuckness of the situation.

The basic rule is that its important to find the toilet that gets the least use possible.  Duh right?  But how do you know?  Well you cant, really, but you can make an educated guess on the following factors.

How public are we talking here?  If its a “customer use only” bathroom that rules out random people from the street who aren’t willing to spend a dollar on a drink they didn’t want just so they can use the bathroom.  Bonus points if the bathroom requires an employee to open it.  Another good place is away from the main flow of traffic.  The science building where I went to school had bathrooms on every floor, but only the first two floors were really used by the general student population.  The upper floors were more for the actual science students, which meant the bathrooms saw less use, and were therefore cleaner.

Stalls are better.  Think about it, you have one toilet in there, that means that every person who uses that bathroom uses one toilet.  With stalls you have some leeway and the more stalls, the better.

Never pick the handicapped stall.  Obviously unless you are handicapped or there is no other stall possible (and no one who is handicapped around).  For some reason, perfectly able bodied people opt for the handicapped stall.  At my school, a new student center was built, which nice large bathrooms, sporting something like 20 stalls each and a handicapped section that was its only sub room in the back.  Amazingly I noticed that people would walk right past several unused stalls to use the handicapped bathroom.  Even at work, people opt to use the separate handicapped bathroom (which is one toilet and unisex) rather than turning the corner and using the regular bathrooms.   I don’t fully understand this, as I never feel comfortable using the handicapped stall, one because I know everyone does, but also, I’m not handicapped, the extra space in here is for someone who really needs it.

Use the stall furthest from the door.  Most people will select the first open stall they pass, just as most people try to find a parking space closest to the store.  Especially in a large bathroom, this means that a lot of toilets will go unused most of the time, unless its a handicapped.  No I don’t get that either.

Finally, once you have selected a toilet, sit on it.  Now that may seem like a contradiction, after all if I’m not touching the seat, that’s better right?  Well no, cause as a female I’m not designed to do that and as a not asshole, I’m not inclined to leave the inevitable mess behind, and in cleaning up I’m probably more likely to pick up something than just sitting on the toilet, since I don’t eat with my bum.  I eat with my hands, and toilet paper isn’t exactly a guard against germs, nor is it going to be an effective cleaner for any real mess.  For the same reason, I won’t use those toilet seat covers, because all they can really do is add to the waste.

Porta potties are right out.

And that is my guide to finding a bathroom when you’re worried about contracting zombiism from the toilets.